Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
