ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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