I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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