At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
