youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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