come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
