you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
