WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
