I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
