We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
