I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
