I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
