oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
