Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Please don't give away my fajitas
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
