Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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