i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
