i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
