...so i touched it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
