Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
