ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
