I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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