just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
