My room smells like vodka and shame
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
