If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
