I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
