who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
