Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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