Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
