I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
