i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
