Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
