Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
