does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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