Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just invented taco cereal.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
