Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
