i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
