my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
