My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
