the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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