"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
