You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
