I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
