Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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