That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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