i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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