She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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