My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
