Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
