if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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