if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
