Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
