Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
