my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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