finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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