You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
