i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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